What’s the deal about solo female travel?

I am getting tired of having to explain why I travel solo.
I don’t understand what’s the big deal about female travelling solo.
I don’t understand people’s fear of travelling alone or in general just doing stuff alone.

At times, I like fear.

Every now & then, I like to challenge myself & put myself in uncomfortable situations.
To me, life is about difficulties & all the emotions it brings (even the bad ones like fear, sadness, loneliness etc) and how you overcome it eventually.
And, if I have been through the worst, then the rest of my life would be a breeze.

I am bad with directions.
I live a pretty sheltered life especially in a country like Singapore.
I am a fussy person (can’t do this, don’t like that etc).
I do not like talking to strangers.
I am not good at planning or organizing stuff.
I am lazy & like to stay home all the time.
I do not like to ask or seek help from people.

To challenge myself, I travel alone.

When you are all alone & in a foreign land.
You do not have choices. Your senses sharpened. Your awareness raised.
You need help & you have to ask and talk to people.
You do not have your usual resources, you make do with what you have.
You face strange, sudden or surprising events, survival instincts kick in & you learn to deal with it.
& if you make mistakes, you learn from them.

Once you conquer the initial fear & apprehension, you realize that you can do this all on your own! After an experience like that, you grow stronger. More independent.

Suddenly, you experience the power of absolute freedom.

Before you know it, you are addicted to travelling solo.

I can have total control over my itinerary:
– Where I want to stay (no need to share the bathroom or TV)
– Which restaurant or cafe I want to eat at.
– What activities or attractions I want to spend more time on.

I don’t need to be afraid of making bad decisions, getting lost, wasting other’s time or taking the longer route. All decisions are mine & mine alone and I just won’t blame myself or beat myself up about it. I adapt, I learn to live with whatever consequences and there’s a life lesson learnt. Responsibility and resilience.

It’s a very empowering experience.

Nowadays, I have grown to prefer travelling solo more than in a group.

freedom edited

Recent conversation with an ex-colleague, it went something like this…
Mr P: So where did you go on your latest trip?
Me: Bali.
Mr P: Alone?
Me: Yap!
Mr P: Find Bali Boys ah?
Me: -_-lll
Mr P: Sleep alone? Not scared of ghosts???
Me: Errr… What’s the worst thing that a ghost can do to you? Kill you? Then you turn into ghost too??? Doesn’t seem rational right?
Mr P: Hahahaha… True. Doesn’t seem rational!

Another conversation with a colleague…
Me: I just booked a trip to _________!
Ms Y: Alone again?
Me: Yes!
Ms Y: Why don’t you find someone to go with you?
Me: Huh? Errr… Like who? Everybody is like “they are planning another trip” or “why don’t we go somewhere else?” or “why don’t we ask so & so to come along too?” etc…
It’s too much trouble. & I don’t like to accommodate or compromise or delay or change plans because people will never ever get around to doing it.
For me, I want to be able to go anywhere I want on a whim, not having to wait around for things to get going…

Another favorite question from the general public:
The general public: Isn’t it dangerous to be travelling alone?
Me: Errr… I see it as no less dangerous to be crossing the roads or eating fishballs. People get knocked down by cars all the time. & I had a neighbor who died cause he choked on a fishball. If we are afraid all the time then what is the point of being alive? I rather die doing something I want to do and doing something that makes me happy then to die regretting and thinking about the things that I could have done.

& Here’s a few interesting & inspiring reads from fellow solo female travelers:








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Being different…

Sometimes I find it so difficult to fit in…

Always get this feeling that I am on the outside looking in…

ugly duckling cover 3

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What happens in the end?

Much as everyone dislike acknowledging it…

But the only certain thing in life is death.

We all get there in the end…no regrets 1
no regrets 2


Photos courtesy of Contiki Holidays – http://www.contiki.com/

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Cliched as it might be… but Love Hurts.

Its been 2 years 10 months+.

Can’t believe that it still hurts…

As much as it did back then…

Wonder when it will stop hurting? & What if it never does?

Love never goes away. At least not for me.

It just doesn’t suddenly stop, disappear or is replaced by another.

Those abandoned love, they occupy a permanent place in my heart.

My love is irreversible. Maybe that’s why it hurts so much…

What about the people who moved on?
Does it hurts for them as well?
Where did their love go?
Maybe it wasn’t love? 
Maybe there was never love in the first place?
Then how did it feel so real?
& how can it still hurt so bad?

At least, I know that mine’s the real deal…

“If you love and get hurt, love more.
If you love more and hurt more, love even more.
If you love even more and get hurt even more, love some more until it hurts no more…” 
William Shakespeare

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When did it get so complicated?

It’s disturbing to know what some guys think, especially what that normal guy in the streets think.

Mr J: I hope that she is hoping that I’ll ask her out again.
Mr T: Women are capable of playing mind games.Be careful not to fall into that hole so fast.
Miss J: Yes.
Mr T: Should have a safety net to guard yourself.
Mr J: I already fell into it man.
Mr T: Don’t pin any hope for now and don’t let her see any soft fragile side of you.
Me: Where is the fun in life & love if need to have safety net?
Mr T: Now what era? Humans are not as simple as before. If she’s a player that’s it! She will grab your tail & turn you round & round!
Miss J: Ya lo.
Me: Love should be full of fun & adventure. Even lessons to be learnt from mistakes.
Mr J: Nah… I won’t show the fragile side anymore. But I like the feeling I have now.
Mr T: And, don’t show any sense of sweetness or affection.
Me: How do you know it wouldn’t work if you never tried your best?
Miss J: Mr T is jaded.
Me: Isn’t life tiring if you have to keep being wary of people and keep calculating who wins more?
Mr J: Yea… It is. But this is how the game is played.
Mr T: Agree with Mr J.
Me: Play???
Mr T: Not being passive but it’s rather hard to decipher a person’s thoughts nowadays.
Miss J: Huh? Really ah? Why guys like that?
Me: How you know she is not waiting for you to take action first? After all, girl what…
Miss J: Last time, just like each other is enough.
Mr T: Now the era is that there are many choices. People have choices and we are one of their options. And you will never know what went wrong when that person just vanish into thin air.
Me: Why so complicated?
Mr J: We never know what… This kind of thing. So I’m not reading too much.
Me: So is pride more important or happiness?
Mr J: Both important, But I need to show that I am not needy.
Miss J: Pride important.
Me: Miss someone just says hi or ask about her day or just ask her out lah. If she is not interested, probably wont go out with you or wont reply you. I don’t understand why people so complicated.
Mr J: Wish it can be simpler but nope it’s not happening.
Me: For me, it’s always very simple. I think its life. If it hurts, you know you tried. And, that you are living… It’s the scariest when you feel nothing or don’t allow yourself to feel for others. Might as well not be alive.
Miss J: Emotionally void. I think some of us here are like that now.
Me: “Life is pain. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something – William Goldman

Miss J:  “If you love and get hurt, love more.
If you love more and hurt more, love even more.
If you love even more and get hurt even more, love some more until it hurts no more…― William Shakespeare”

-End of conversation-

My thoughts were:
I don’t know about mind games.
Maybe that’s why I always get hurt?
Nobody told me that it was a game.
I never knew that there were rules?
Why so complicated?
This can explain my dozen of failed relationships.
Maybe I have been doing it wrong all along???
So I should start playing?

But I won’t know how to…
I am just me.
Plain old me.
Honest me.
Straightforward me.
Direct me.

Still myself.
Still looking for that someone who just wants to be with me.
Not for me to be someone else.
Because I can never be.

From: {曲家瑞KristyChaRayOfficial}

真的懂, 你的人
因為你 是你而 愛上你

真不懂, 妳的人
卻因為 妳是妳 離開妳 …

真想懂, 你的人
也會盡 全力去 看見你

就算不 再是妳
也永遠 在乎妳

真正懂, 妳的人…

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Almost – Tamia

[Verse 1]
Can you tell me
How can one miss what she’s never had
How could I reminisce when there is no past
How could  I have memories of being happy with you boy
Could someone tell me how can this be
How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that  never happened
How could we celebrate a love that’s too late
And how could I really mean the words I’m bout to say

I missed the times  that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it’s impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

[Verse 2]
I cannot believe I let you  go
Or what I should say is
I shoulda grabbed you up and never let you go
I shoulda went out with you
I shoulda made you my boo boy
Yeah that’s one time I shoulda broke the rules
I shoulda went on a date
Shoulda found a way to escape
Shoulda turned a almost into
If it happend now its too late
How could I celebrate a love that wasn’t real
And if it didn’t happen why does my heart feel

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it’s impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

[Verse 3]
(sometimes I wanna rub ya, some nights I wanna hug ya)
And you seem to be the perfect one for me
You (some nights I wanna touch ya but tonight I wanna love ya)
You’re all that I ever wanted
And you’re my everything yes its true
Boy its hard to be close to you
My love
I know it may sound crazy
But I’m in love with  you

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said it’s impossible to miss when you never had
Never almost had you

I missed the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
(sometimes I wanna rub ya)
I miss the times that we use to kiss
At least in my dreams
Let me take my time and reminisce
(but tonight I wanna love ya)
I miss the times that we never had
What happened to us we were almost there
Whoever said its impossible to miss when you never had
Never, never almost had you
(but tonight I wanna love ya)

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“Butterflies are God’s proof that we can have a second life”. Nikita Season 2, episode 9

(from dictionary.com)

1. Biology . a profound change in form from one stage to the next in the life history of an organism, as from the caterpillar to the pupa and from the pupa to the adult butterfly.
2. a complete change of form, structure, or substance, as transformation by magic or witchcraft.
3. any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances, etc.
4. a form resulting from any such change.
5. Pathology .
a. a type of alteration or degeneration in which tissues are changed: fatty metamorphosis of the liver.
b. the resultant form

Personally, my butterfly signify the process of transformation.

Love & loss.
Experiencing pain.
Coping with pain.
Release from pain.

& the change is complete.

From a caterpillar to a butterfly.
Hopefully, I have grown into somebody stronger & more beautiful from the inside.

The arduous journey.

“It’s weird…you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second…just so it can hurt a little more.” Unknown.

” I hurt myself today to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain the only thing that’s real” Nine Inch Nails

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” Neil Gaiman

“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.” Dr Joyce Brothers

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.” Swedish Proverb

“The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized – never knowing.” Jim Rohn

“There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly.” Richard Buckminster Fuller

“Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time.” Deborah Chaskin

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