The more you love, the more you’ll hate in the end…

Close to 4 years 9 months now…

It still hurts…
The pain just doesn’t go away…
Coming back to bite you when you least expects it.

She will always hate me – James Blunt

Oh God it hurt
The moment that I saw you
With someone else
The one that you belong to

I never thought
I’d drown in my shallow heart

I’d like to say
The things I never used to
But come today they won’t ever be useful
I never learnt to use my shallow heart

I, I, I
I never meant to hurt you
It’s just something I do
I guess it’s not a good excuse

And she will always hate me
No matter what I say
And there is no mistaking
The love is gone

She will always hate me
She said, “You lost me baby.”
No matter what I say
The love is gone


Looking back I guess I’m holding onto
The good we had
But I know it’s wrong to
Because in the end
She’s never gonna hold my heart

And now she knows
She doesn’t want to know me
I’m not suppose to be the one who is lonely
I never thought that she could have a cold, cold heart

I, I, I
I never meant to hurt you
It’s just something I do
I guess it’s not a good excuse

And she will always hate me
No matter what I say
And there is no mistaking
The love is gone

She will always hate me
She said, “You lost me baby.”
No matter what I say
The love is gone

I, I, I
I never meant to hurt you
It’s just something I do
I guess it’s not a good excuse

And she will always hate me
No matter what I say
And there is no mistaking
The love is gone

She will always hate me
She said, “You lost me baby.”
No matter what I say
The love is gone

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Somebody that I used to know

Nobody is indispensable.
Nobody dies without somebody.
Nobody needs anybody.
Nobody. Nobody. Nobody.


Somebody that I used to know (Gotye feat Kimbra)

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn’t have to  stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
Now you’re  just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra]
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I’d done
But I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Gotye]
But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like  it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your  love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Somebody (I used to know)
Somebody (Now you’re just somebody that I used to know)

(I used to know)
(That I used to know)
(I used to  know) Somebody

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Four years on… I am still me.

Yes, its been four years since the break-up.
Yes, I do remember.
Yes, I still love which is why I will never forgive or forget…

Everything’s the same yet everything’s changed.

I am still me.

I have recently quit my job.
Going to work everyday. Dealing with screaming, angry people drains me emotionally…
It just doesn’t inspire or motivate anymore.
I had enough…
It’s time to let go of my fears of not being able to find a new job and that false sense of security that the current job provides and just move on.

And, I am still me.

Decided to go travel and not look for a job.
I have trips booked from May till October 2013!
Needed a break from all the mundane, routine & boring stuff.
Wanted to experience more of the world.
Maybe something, someone or somewhere will inspire and guide me to where I am supposed to be headed.

But, I am still me.

Everyone looked at me in horror when I told them that I quit my job to go travel.

I have always been unpredictable and I enjoy being like this.
Tried rationalizing whatever I felt:

In the 20s – it is always more employable then 30s, 40s or 50s and it will be easier to find another job or switch career now as compared to when I am older.
I am young, healthy, energetic and I  can afford to have more adventures now.

In the 30s – What if I wanted to buy a car, a house or I finally met someone & wanted to settle down? By then I may have other commitments and I may not be able to do as I wish or just jet off whenever I want to go on a solo trip…

In the 40s – By then my parents are 70-80s. What if they are ill and I need to look after them?

In the 50s – What if I am no longer as healthy/fit & I can’t go for the trips anymore???

So the right time is NOW!!!

& I did. I quit my job to travel.

🙂

I am still me.

Everything’s the same yet everything’s changed.

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Not all those who wander are lost

Not all those who wander are lost. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien


Wake me up by Avicii

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can’t  tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start
They tell me I’m too young to understand
They say I’m caught up in a dream
Life will  pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes
Well that’s fine by me

So wake  me up when it’s all over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I  was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost
[x2]

I tried  carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
I hope I get  the chance to travel the world
But I don’t have any plans
Wish that I  could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life’s a game  made for everyone
And love is the prize

So wake me up when it’s all  over
When I’m wiser and I’m older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn’t know I was lost
[x2]

I didn’t know I was lost
I  didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost
I didn’t know I was lost

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Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

 

Counting Stars by One Republic

[Chorus]
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin’ hard
Said no more counting dollars
We’ll be counting stars
Yeah, we’ll be counting stars

[Verse 1]
I see this life
Like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
In my faces flashing suns
Seek it out and ye shall find
Old, but I’m not that old
Young, but I’m not that bold
And I don’t think the world is sold
I’m just doing what we’re told

I feel something so right
At doing the wrong thing
I feel something so wrong
At doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

[Chorus]
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin’ hard
Said no more counting dollars
We’ll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin’ hard
Said no more counting dollars
We’ll be, we’ll be counting stars

[Verse 2]
I feel the love
And I feel it burn
Down this river every turn
Hope is a four letter word
Make that money
Watch it burn
Old, but I’m not that old
Young, but I’m not that bold
And I don’t think the world is sold
I’m just doing what we’re told

And I feel something so wrong
At doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly

[Chorus]
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin’ hard
Said no more counting dollars
We’ll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin’ hard
Said no more counting dollars
We’ll be, we’ll be counting stars

[Bridge 4x:]
Take that money
And watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

[Chorus]
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin’ hard
Said no more counting dollars
We’ll be counting stars
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin’ hard
Said no more counting dollars
We’ll be, we’ll be counting stars

[Outro 4x:]
Take that money
And watch it burn
Sink in the river
The lessons I learned

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Pura Vida

Pura Vida. Pure Life. Pure Living. Full of Life. Happiness.

Definition of “Pura Vida” in the Urban Dictionary:
Spanish for “pure life.”
The law of the land in Costa Rica. The expression is used in many forms, from a greeting, to a synonym for “excellent.” Ticos follow this lifestyle and are some of the most wonderful people on earth. A synonym of “hakuna matata.” Life is wonderful; enjoy it.

“Pura vida!” (Damn right!)
“Que Me ‘Ice Mae, Pura Vida?” (What’s up dude, all good?)

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pura+vida

This phrase got me thinking…
For the Costa Ricans, there is nothing that describes their country, its people and their way of life better than Pura Vida!

What about Singaporeans?
What’s the best phrase that will describe us & our country?

The first words that pops up in my mind are ‘kiasu’ & ‘kiasi’.

I tried to search for it on the Urban Dictionary & to my surprise they actually have it!

Defintion of Kiasu:
Afraid of “losing out” to other people.
Being greedy… very very greedy…
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=kiasu

Definition of Kiasi:
General meaning: afraid of getting into trouble.
Actual translation: afraid of dying.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=kiasi

Why are we so afraid?
& what exactly are we afraid of?
How did we end up the way we are?

Maybe it’s because we are such a small country with no natural resources?
Maybe it’s this feeling that we always have to work harder in order to prove ourselves?
Maybe it’s the constant need to compete to be the best & to stay on top?

I am hoping that one day this would all change.
One day we would be able to stop the crazy competition, celebrate our success and just be contented with what we have.

I doubt that would happen though.

Till then, I will just keep wishing and waiting…

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The Beginning: Bitten by the Travel Bug

I would classify myself as a novice traveller.

Till this point, I have visited only the Asia-Pacific (Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, Hong Kong, Taiwan and Australia).

Furthest destination which I have gone to is Melbourne, Australia (7+ hours flight away). It also happens to be my longest trip; a mere ten days.

I started to travel overseas rather late in life. If my memory didn’t fail me, my first overseas trip was probably in 2005/2006 when I was already 20/21. First few trips were with my boyfriend at that time (note: now ex-boyfriend). We went to Bintan (Indonesia), Phuket (Thailand), Bali (Indonesia) and Taipei (Taiwan).

I guess that’s how it started. I have been bitten by the travel bug ever since…

After we broke up, there was nobody to travel with for quite a while. I waited & waited.

Tried planning trips with girlfriends but somehow always failed as everyone else had their own family, boyfriend/husband, own work schedules, different destination & budget in mind.

It was extremely frustrating. & after 1-2 years I decided that I had enough of waiting around for someone to appear so that I can travel with.

My first solo trip was a birthday gift to myself.

As I grew older, I started to dislike celebrating my birthday, I don’t understand what’s all the fuss about and I didn’t enjoy being in the center of attraction either. Felt awkward.

So I decided to go somewhere alone and hopefully nobody will try to celebrate my birthday. (haha!)

As it was my first solo overseas trip, I decided to go somewhere more accessible with minimal planning required.

Just nice, a colleague of mine have just returned from Tioman (Malaysia) and he recommended it to me.

I went alone and never looked back since.

The ease and speed to reach a decision. The flexibility of my itinerary.
That sense of adventure.
When you are alone in a foreign land, you just seem to be able to take in more as compared to when you are travelling with others.
You experience total freedom & vulnerability at the same time.

& Here’s some photos from that maiden solo trip.

IMG_3802IMG_3390IMG_3290IMG_3293IMG_3744IMG_3677IMG_3282IMG_3714  IMG_3682IMG_3650IMG_4043 IMG_4013IMG_4004 IMG_3188

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